I call bullshit.
I see it fairly often in porn now: women who, when fucked, burst forth from their loins as if someone just popped a champagne cork out of their pussy. Orgasmic screaming and twitching ensues, and the guy says something like "awe yeah, fuckin' A".
Again: I call bullshit.
Go into a random porn forum and say female ejaculation is fake. You'll get flamed until your ass is as hairless as a starlet's pussy. Most guys who watch porn love the idea of female ejaculation. They'll defend it against all logic. It has taken on mythical importance. I guess I can imagine why it is appealing to the average male: with female ejaculation a woman's sexuality is now visually analogous to a man's. Suddenly the female ejaculation becomes the point of sex. The proof you're a man. Much better than chasing after the amorphous female orgasm. Heck, if you haven't made a girl blow a firehouse out her twat you must not know what you're doing.
Let's clarify the term "female ejaculation": I'm not denying that a pussy gets awfully juicy if things are going well. The very lucky ladies I've been with have sometimes left damn near a puddle on the mattress. And though I've never seen anything that a working man would call a "squirt", I'm willing to believe that there may be a few rare individuals or circumstances whereby the lovely lady's lubricant might do such a thing.
For example, I can
squirt saliva directly from my salivary glands, thus allowing me to "ejaculate from my mouth" if we're going to play fast and loose with such terms. So sure, I can imagine that some female gland might do something similar under the right circumstances.
What I don't believe is that females ejaculate as depicted in porn. My complaints specifically: I don't think one can achieve that kind of volumnious projectile load and I don't think it brings one to new heights of hitherto unexperienced pleasure.
Here are some reasons I think female ejaculation as depicted is fake:
1. Ten years ago none of the women in porn ejaculated. Today it's downright common. We may be evolving, but not that fast. What explains this disparity? Is it that all sexual encounters were unsatisfactory until just a few years ago? That's a little easier to believe I suppose than the idea that suddenly all these dumb porn beefcakes can fuck a woman to explosive orgasm and ejaculation on queue. Maybe the idea is that squirters are rare but the industry is suddenly finding and hiring these special girls? And then as never before taking the time to actually sexually satisfy them? Tell me whether you think it might be cheaper and easier to just hire girls who will take a piss on a guy and fake an orgasm?
2. My personal experience is not scientifically exhaustive, and I hate to claim I know what I'm doing with real women, but based on repeat business I'd say that I'm satisfying them just fine. Yet I've never seen a female ejaculate. More importantly I've never heard from someone I trust that they've directly seen it either. It's always a friend of a friend who saw it. Or even less convincingly some anonymous internet poster. It's like all the other urban legends. Sex goes on a lot. Rare sexual practices spread like wildfire and become understood. It's only stuff that's not reproducible that languishes in the unknown for so long.
3. Official information is sparse and contradictory. Check out
the Wikipedia page. For example, the source and makeup of the liquid itself is not well established. Are you fucking kidding me? For something that an allegedly THREE BILLION people can do? Nobody can isolate it and resolve it? Despite what your mother may have told you, the human vagina is not subject to the
Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Research on this topic should be a breeze: invite in some of the famous squirters and analyze what is going on. No: porn videos do not count as documented evidence.
4. Right before I posted this I talked to my own resident pussy expert. Not my girlfriend, who incidentally thinks it's bullshit and has no interest in trying to achieve said feat. No, I talked to my sluttiest lesbian friend. She knows pussy in a way that straight men and women simply cannot. And while not ruling out the fringe possibility of female ejaculation, she said she has never seen such a thing, and that the idea is pretty much a nonstarter with lesbians. In my book that carries the weight of Daniel Boone telling me he finds no evidence of Sasquatch.
So what's my reason for being so worked up about it? Simple: I have an obsession with sussing out sexual misinformation. Be they urban legends, old wives tales, locker room bullshit, or simple misunderstandings, I find the disconnect between real human sexuality and the rumors to be both fascinating and frustrating.
The only reasonable sounding description I've ever heard of female ejaculation, one that wasn't tinged with sensationalist Pavlovian excitement, was in an online forum where a girl described her own experience in humble terms. The gist was that her boyfriend could manipulate things in a way that made a small amount of fluid squirt out, that it definitely wasn't pee, but that it wasn't that dramatic or tied to orgasm. Okay, I'll buy that.
I remember when I was a young boy in the 80s reading a Cosmopolitan sex survey that claimed women had, on average, seven orgasms to a man's one. That is: during intercourse the average woman came seven times in the time it took the guy to blow his load. I'm not even going to bother explaining how uncommon such an event is. What surprises me is that an obvious male fantasy -- the notion that a few strokes of the man's holy cock sends immediate paroxysms of ecstasy through his partner -- would be the party line in a women's magazine.
I could go on, but I'd rather go yerk. Suffice it to say that while I do not discount outright the possibility of female squirting as a result of sexual activities, female ejaculation as depicted in porn is bullshit.
I'm still open minded to new evidence, but no amount of porn or discussion will dissuade me from my position. Please offer to demonstrate said female ejaculation in person under controlled conditions if you want me to take you seriously. I'll even buy you breakfast in the morning.
Dude. She's just pissing on his dick. It's not my thing but if you like that, it's cool.
Labels: bullshit, female ejaculation, porn
